Here & Now

I recently spent a nice (ok, decadent) weekend in a posh resort area not unlike our own Gulfshore. Of course, I popped into a few shops. And naturally I picked up a lovely little trinket I didn’t technically need. Me, me, me. $130.54. The guilt lasted right through my massage and all the way to afternoon tea, and subsided only when I thought about Bernie Gant.

Bernie, who lives in Naples, makes her living taking visitors like me shopping. Well, visitors anyway; not so much like me. These are the guests at luxury resorts, usually ladies (chauvinistic, but true) who have a bit of time on their hands while their husbands are out golfing or in a corporate meeting. They’ve done the spa and the beach, and they, too, are in the mood for a little something to take home. By appointment, Bernie shows up in her sparkly new Lexus (the limo is just too much trouble to park) and off they go. At $75 per hour, three hours minimum, the ladies have more than shelled out the price of my little trinket before the doorman ushers them into the car.

They’ll hit the "insiders" boutiques and galleries, stop for lunch and, perhaps if the day is long and tiring, for a chilled libation at a trendy little café to celebrate the day’s finds. One $70,000 sapphire ring, a darling little $4,000 watercolor and a to-die-for $600 beach coverup later (not to mention a few simply precious outfits for the grandbabies, matching rhinestone collars for Muffie and Missie, and some postcards), they’re back at the hotel just in time to present the man in their life with a box of premium imported cigars. Won’t he be pleased!

The $70,000 ring doesn’t happen every day, Bernie Gant admits, but the price tag for an ordinary excursion averages $10,000.

Bernie and Judy Capito, her business partner in Elite Personal Shoppers (239) 290-2335 and (239) 289-2686, respectively, know what ladies who shop like. When she’s not scouting for trinkets with her clients, Bernie is the personal assistant for a Port Royal homeowner who also owns an Arabian horse ranch. Judy has a home-watch business, looking after the mansions of absent owners.

In retrospect, I really should have bought that other trinket that caught my eye. Perspective is everything, isn’t it? For example, within the next 30 days, there will be two annual feeding frenzies along the Gulfshore: Taste of Collier (Naples, May 6, noon to 4 p.m.) and Taste of the Beach (Fort Myers Beach, June 3, 11 a.m. to 5 p.m.). Both will have succulent seafood, sensational sweets and samplings from the best chefs in the area. Both will be incredibly tasty. Tasteful, however, is in the eye of the beholder, and if you like one, you probably won’t be too impressed with the other. Taste of Collier takes place at Bayfront, the upscale retail/residential center overlooking Naples Bay, and the leading sponsors are primarily luxury developers and financial institutions. The primary sponsor of Taste of the Beach, which takes place along San Carlos Boulevard between beach and bay, is Budweiser. Ah, perspective!

You can’t even get a good swamp cabbage stew anymore. Even if you harvested your own (which is problematic because it grows up to 50 feet tall), it’s now illegal because the whole thing dies just to get to the heart. And furthermore, the cabbage palm is Florida’s state tree. Not that it’s really a tree—botanically speaking, it’s in the grass family. But that’s another issue. Anyway, all this stew talk has made me hungry, so I Googled the recipe, which I’ll share with you here. Don’t forget to go out for pie afterward!

I can’t let you start your May without one reminder: It’s turtle-nesting time here in paradise. Local property owners know to turn off their beach-facing lights so they don’t confuse the nesting female when she gets ready to return to the Gulf. Same with the hatchlings when they emerge 60 days later.

For a memorable eco-experience, get up early to meet the naturalists combing your nearest beach at sunrise for new nests, or join a night-watching excursion around a full moon. Flashlights and flash cameras are a big no-no. If you really get inspired, check out the Sanibel-Captiva Conservation Foundation (www.sccf.org; 239-472-2329), where you can adopt your very own sea turtle nest. Each $50 nest gets you a post-hatch certificate about your new hatchlings, a cool T-shirt and a tax deduction.

A turtle nest of your own, trinkets and food festivals for any perspective or taste, and a hearty—if you’ll excuse the expression—slice of Dolly Scott’s apple pie. A sweet month to savor the moment.