Power Shopper

How often do you see writers and models in the same room? Unless you’re a model who’s written a book, like Paulina Porizkova, or you’re a writer who looks like a Greek god, à la Sebastian Junger, I’m guessing it’s as rare as finding pants that make your rear-end look great in less than seven shopping hours.

There’s a reason for that: Writers like to hang out in their offices in their jammies and notoriously hate to be photographed. And, despite my deep, abiding love of shopping, I’m no exception. So when Gulfshore Life editors said they wanted to shoot photos of me and my pal, Montese, to accompany my debut column (November 2007), my first instinct was to throw Montese to the art department wolves as a distraction and barricade myself behind stacks of unpublished manuscripts.

But then I thought, wait ... professional photography? Has there ever been a better opportunity to shop? I think not. But what do you shop for when you’re being photographed as the new face of ... shopping? Trendy but classic, right? That’s what I thought, too. So I badgered Montese into accompanying me to the trendiest new shopping center in Southwest Florida, Coconut Point, to choose spectacular new outfits in which to be immortalized.

We hatched a plan of attack in the car, but Napoleon was right, an army marches on its stomach, and Montese is looking a bit pale for a proper invasion. After evaluating our many choices, we settle on Ted’s Montana Grill. Our server, Daisy, is surely too young and adorable to even have a job, but she brings us bowls of free pickles, so who are we to call the labor board?

Thus fortified, our first stop is Guess Inc.’s upscale brand Marciano, mostly because the exquisite, zebra-stripe shoes in the window actually made me drool (just a little, nothing unladylike). The saleswoman leads us under a sparkling, crystal chandelier and into the fitting rooms with a stream of friendly chatter.

Montese tries on the Natasha print dress and a black zippered jacket. Neither are exactly what she’s looking for, but, when I spot a pair of purple and fuchsia heels, I know she doesn’t have the strength to resist. Sure enough, when she tries on the "Carli," we all nearly swoon at their sheer fabulousness. Besides, how can you resist a shoe with a name?

While they admire Montese’s suddenly elongated legs, I try on a sapphire, high-necked blouse (jewel tones are supposed to be big for fall), a lapis camisole with a chiffon over-blouse, and the zebra shoes that brought me in. They are all lovely, but Montese’s purchase has eased my shopping anxiety a tad, so we move on.

I drag her, teetering precariously in her new shoes, across the street to bebe, where the beautifully turned-out saleswomen go gaga for the Carlis. I take full credit and am respectfully escorted to a fitting room with my choices: a silk charmeuse kimono blouse in "Cleo" (chartreuse, really, and I cannot help but be tickled by the whole chartreuse charmeuse thing); a graphic print tunic in cream, chocolate and hot pink; and a one-shouldered "chain reaction" blouse.

I love them all, but decide they’re better for dinner than for my photos and vow to return to buy them later. We move on to Express. Keeping the "jewel-tones-for-fall" directive in mind, I quickly settle on an emerald silk blouse with a tie in the back for a slimming effect. Yes, I’ll take it! I also discover some great "Editor" pants, which combine the elegance of light gray slacks with a more current fit, low on the waist with a slight flair in the leg. And what writer can resist zipping up an editor once in a while?

Once our real mission has been accomplished, we are free to wander aimlessly through the streets of Coconut Point, and we are duly impressed. Of particular note: Montese and I both commented on the fact that we were treated beautifully by every salesperson we came in contact with. It was a delightful experience. Is Coconut Point making customer service trendy again? Let’s hope so.

Of course the day of the photo shoot arrives and Vanessa Rogers, the stunning (and phenomenally talented) photographer who really belongs on the other side of the camera, wants me in one of the gowns I tried on for the November column. Makes sense, doesn’t it? And were I a brighter bulb I’d have figured that out before I bought a new outfit for the shoot.

But a real shopper needs no excuse, and maybe Vanessa will want me in that great jewel-toned blouse for a future column. Or maybe next time I’ll just toss Montese at her and insist she shoot the shoes.

The Contenders
Marciano, Coconut Point
Sapphire high-necked blouse, $68
Lapis cami with chiffon blouse, $158
Adrianna zebra-print shoes, $200
Natasha print dress, $158
Black zippered jacket, $128
Carli pink and fuchsia shoes, $200

bebe, Coconut Point
Charmeuse kimono blouse, $79
Block print tunic, $79
Chain reaction blouse, $79
Safari wide-leg linen slacks, $119
Express, Coconut Point
Emerald blouse, $49.50
Editor slacks, $79.50